When Johnny and I found our ticket to heaven.
Angie was training to be the hottest new server
And I as the barkeep was being quite the observer.
I noticed a man at the bar with a bottle
He looked like Tom Cruise, or at least like a model.
She came up to me and said, “My life’s in a rut”
I said, “It can’t be that bad, you’ve got a cute butt.”
I wanted that bartender all mine to keep.
Yeah, ‘cause the guy she was dating was kind of a creep.
She was trying to dump him, that was her plan.
I wanted John T, he was MY kind of man.
She brought me her tip out one night working late.
It wasn’t very much so I offered a date.
I was jumping for joy, but still played it cool.
So I said, “Let’s go for dinner and then shoot some pool.”
We had a nice dinner and then shared a beavy.
Then we went to the park where it got hot and heavy.
We didn’t just spend our nights sitting parked in the lots.
Sometimes we drove to Niagara where we played the slots.
Summer job at the restaurant, working hard, getting sweaty.
It was time to grow up, even though we weren’t ready.
Our lives in transition, not knowing what to do.
God put us together to help see us though.
I bought us a house that WAS once my aunt’s.
And because of this fact, sadly she wears the pants.
Angie goes out and she earns all the money
While I think of ways to keep pleasing my honey.
I make chicken and veggies and corn on the cob.
Yeah, that’s all great…but you still need a job!
Johnny is kind and he has a good heart
And he doesn’t get mad if I let out a fart.
Angie’s forgiving even when I have sinned
Although she gets angry when I have passed wind.
And now is the time that we get to say thanks
For your help and support and op’ning your banks.
We’re going to continue speaking in rhyme
It sounds kind of funny, and cuts down on time.
Don’t take offence if we sound like a jerk
We’re trying to be funny and make the rhymes work.
All fun aside, our thanks are sincere.
And without your help, we wouldn’t be here
To everyone present, we just have to say,
Thank you for joining in our special day
Aunt Rose made the turtles that mom wrapped up with care
What a generous gift, she has given to share.
Thanks to our parents for making this day
Half you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t pay.
My dad made the wine, you have in your glass
We corked it ourselves, what a pain in the ass.
Thanks to my family who came from out West
You made a big voyage and you’re looking your best.
Wendy, Simon and 4 girls with blonde hair
Margie and Bill all came here by air.
Tiffany and Mike came from out East
They flew all this way to join in the feast.
The Armstrong clan hails from Winchester, OntariA
They drove all this way, just to be in our area.
There’s George and there’s Sarah, from Ottawa city
A 6-hour car ride, is not always pretty.
From the church to the dinner there is quite a break
People need to sit down so their bodies don’t ache.
Elaine and the Smith’s let people drop by
For drinks and snacks and just to say hi.
Bassem and Lori shot the pictures today
Making wonderful memories, that we’ll take away.
To the mother and father of my brand new bride,
I enter your family with honour and pride.
You’ve blessed me by giving me somebody nice,
Well, it’s better than giving me ticks, fleas, or lice.
She’s the girl of my dreams and I’m so glad to get her,
I just hope no one tells her that she can do better!
I’ll be your hero for the rest of your life.
Because I love you, and because you’re my wife.
To John’s mom and dad, your son is all mine
You raised him up right, and damn he looks fine.
Johnny has the bluest eyes that I have ever seen
We work together day and night, and we make a super team.
He does his silly sound effects, which always make me laugh.
I’m happy to have a comedian to call my better half
Johnny you’re my husband and I’m trying not to cry,
And I’m going to be with you until the day we die.
While many supported us
There was the odd jerk,
Who told us long distance
Relationships never work
We’ve got a wonderful life filled with love and good wishes
So put that in your pipe and smoke it, bitches.
AMAZING, RIGHT!?!? Now, aside from this incredible speech..here’s how Angela & John remember their day…in rhyme, obviously *wink*:
When I first saw her in her wedding dress…
The moment I saw her, decked out in white,
My eyes welled up, I was filled with delight!
My favourite moment…
Mt favourite moment that night, and my life,
Was arriving back home with my New wife!
Something that happened that I didn’t expect…
There are things unavoidable, even if we try,
But I didn’t expect to be one that would cry!
When I first saw him dressed up…
I wanted John T to have as my beau.
He’s got muscular arms, even Bassem says so.
My favourite moment…
So many special moments it’s hard to choose only one
But I gotta say that our conga line was rip roarin’ fun.
Something that happened that wasn’t expected…
Was that it was I who turned out to be calm and collected.
But one other thing that left everyone in stitches,
The final word of our speech just happened to be ‘bitches’.